


You Want Me (But What If Your Heart's A Liar?)

by Stegaysaurus



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex can't handle relationships well, Angst, M/M, Polyamory, based on caw-chan's rebel au kinda, he tries, very vaguely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 04:38:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11913375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stegaysaurus/pseuds/Stegaysaurus
Summary: “Why are you doing this to me?” Thomas breathed, hands sliding from Alex’s jaw to his shoulders.“Doing what?” Alex asked, though his tone said he knew what Thomas meant.“This, dragging me around the city at 3am to kiss me on rooftops,” Thomas sighed, opening his eyes to meet Alex’s.“I like you a lot, Thomas,” Alex mumbled, brushing the tips of their noses together.“Yeah,” Thomas said, swallowing thickly as tears gathered in his eyes. “No, no you don’t.”





	You Want Me (But What If Your Heart's A Liar?)

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote something that isn't smut? what a concept! people loved this on my instagram so i thought i minus well post the whole thing here

Alex grinned, fingers tight around Thomas’s wrist as he weaved through back alleys. Thomas could do nothing but stumbled after him, the night chill seeping under his leather jacket and his heavy boots splashing in puddles. He was tempted to pull away, find the nearest street and catch a cab back to his apartment. He didn’t have to humour Alex, after all. Then he turned around, eyes bright in the pale moonlight and a grin stretching across his face that could’ve lit up the entire city, and Thomas just kept following.

 

Alex led him to a rusted fence, releasing his wrist and forcing himself through a part where the chain-link had detached from the pole. It rattled as he yanked it apart enough for Thomas’s broader frame to slip through. He looked around the completely deserted area, a flickering bulb above a dented and damaged metal door throwing a yellowish glow across the small lot. Alex was already making his way towards the building, converse squelching slightly with each step. Thomas crossed his arms, watching as he reached up to yank down a rusty fire escape ladder.

 

“Everything about this is illegal,” He noted quietly, grimacing at the screech the ladder made.

 

Instead of answering, Alex bounced over, cupped Thomas’s face in wet hands, and pulled him down for a kiss. Thomas melted into it, one hand curling absently in the soft fabric of Alex’s shirt. He followed him as he pulled away, eyes half lidded, and he could forget for just a moment why he hadn’t wanted to go with Alex.

 

“Loosen up, you’re supposed to be a rebel,” Alex mumbled against his lips, turning on his heel and jumping up onto the rickety ladder.

 

“You’re gonna die,” Thomas said coolly, watching Alex climb up onto the fire escape.

 

“Then you’ll die with me,” Alex replied, batting his eyes.

 

Despite everything telling him not to, Thomas gripped the ladder and hauled himself onto the death trap attached to the building. Alex was already making his way up, scaling the structure too easily. Thomas had no choice but to follow, heart pounding in his chest every time the steps squeaked. He was panting by the time he got to the top, a mild panic attack having started around the fifth floor of the building and only increasing as they climbed ever higher. Alex stayed just out of reach the whole time, glancing back to make sure Thomas was following him up.

 

He slid open a window, slipping through silently. Thomas stared into the pitch black building for a moment, almost screaming when Alex’s hand shot out and yanked him inside. He blinked rapidly, trying to get some idea of where they were as he was dragged across and open space and up a flight of stairs. Alex threw open another heavy door, stepping out onto the roof and maneuvering a cement block to keep the door cracked.

 

Thomas was pressed against the door before he could make another snarky remark about the legality of their activities, Alex’s body a line of warmth as he slid his hands under Thomas’s jacket. Thomas hated himself for how quickly he surrendered to Alex, eyes slipping shut and hands cupping Alex’s jaw like it would keep him there. He was panting when Alex pulled away, eyes still shut as Alex tipped their foreheads together.

 

“Why are you doing this to me?” Thomas breathed, hands sliding from Alex’s jaw to his shoulders.

 

“Doing what?” Alex asked, though his tone said he knew what Thomas meant.

 

“ _ This _ , dragging me around the city at 3am to kiss me on rooftops,” Thomas sighed, opening his eyes to meet Alex’s.

 

“I like you a lot, Thomas,” Alex mumbled, brushing the tips of their noses together.

 

“Yeah,” Thomas said, swallowing thickly as tears gathered in his eyes. “No, no you don’t.”

 

“Of course I do, Thomas, why would I--”

 

“Why do you do anything, Hamilton,” Thomas spat, shoving the shorter man away. “Why are you so god damn  _ addicting _ ? You keep coming back and apologizing and I keep  _ believing  _ you.”

 

“Thomas--”

 

“You haven’t changed, Hamilton. You haven’t, and you won’t, because you can’t.”

 

Alex had his hands curled in the lapels of Thomas’s jacket now, face contorted in frustration.

 

“Thomas, what the hell are you talking about? I have changed, I’ve changed for you, and for--”

 

“Laurens, I know,” Thomas interrupted with a bitter laugh, hands curling around Alex’s wrists loosely. “It’s funny, really. James warned me about you, and I still fell for you.”

 

“Madison? Why would he warn--”

 

“Because your toxic, Alexander!” Thomas shouted, voice cracking slightly. “And I can’t handle this anymore..”

 

Alex shook him slightly, panic clear in his eyes. “Thomas, what the fuck are you talking about?”

 

“You’ve gotta choose eventually, Alex,” Thomas sighed, shutting his eyes and turning away. “You can’t have both of us, not when it’s hurting us so much--”

 

“ _ Us _ ?” Alex snapped suddenly, “Don’t speak for John--”

 

“Do you not see the ways he looks at you?!” Thomas cut in, shoving Alex away. “He loves you, you fucking asshole. So do I. You’re so fucking blind, Alexander, I swear to God.”

 

Alex stumbled back, heels clanging loudly against an AC unit. “Thomas--”

 

“You can’t handle it, Alexander. I accepted the fact that you couldn’t commit to just one person, but you can’t handle more than one--”

 

“T-Thomas, please, I-I’ll break up with John--”

 

“Alexander,” Thomas said slowly, voice cold and dangerous in a way Alex had never heard before. “You can’t handle a relationship right now. If you love either of us even a fraction of the amount that we love you, you will either step the fuck up or..”

 

Thomas paused, taking a deep shuddering breath. Alex stepped forward, hands trembling from the flurry of emotions storming through him mixed with the moist chill of the night air. He cupped Thomas’s face gently, cold fingers brushing hair out of his face. Thomas’s eyes fluttered open, a war raging in his mahogany eyes, and his breath picked up just the slightest bit. Alex leaned in, pressing their lips together tenderly. Thomas melted, eyes sliding shut as he relaxed into Alex’s touch. It was so easy, just letting Alex win him back like this, and he was tempted to give in just to bask in the warm feeling these kisses gave him. But he couldn’t, he’d only end up right back here, in some abandoned place that Alex had dragged him to, on the verge of tears because Alex couldn’t handle it.

 

“Or,” Thomas said firmly, turning his head away, “you let us move on and have chances with people who will be good for us.”

 

Alex stared up at him, dark eyes wide and shining in the silver streaks of moonlight. He twined their fingers together, pressing closer to Thomas.

 

“I wanna get better for you, both of you, I want this to be okay again,” Alex pleaded quietly.

 

Thomas took a slow breath. “How do you feel about us, Alexander? This? Me and you?”

 

Alex’s breath caught, whole body freezing all at once. “I-I, I like you, Thomas, I like this. A lot.”

 

“You like me,” Thomas repeated monotonously.

 

Alex looked like he was being interrogated, breathing quick and panicked as he nodded silently.

 

“Alex--”

 

“I’m not ready to say it yet,” Alex blurted, eyes welling suddenly. “I can’t, I can’t say what you want me to say yet. But I do.”

 

Thomas sucked in a stabilizing breath, nodding slowly.

 

“I can’t say it, Thomas, to either of you, because that makes it real. It means, it means I could lose you.”

 

Thomas wrapped his arms around Alex, pulling him against his chest. Alex trembled, clinging onto Thomas’s jacket for dear life as he gasped for breath. Thomas took slow breaths, exhales shuddery as his chest ached.

 

“I’m sorry,” Alex sniffed, backing away suddenly.

 

Thomas felt like he was suffocating, felt like his chest had been carved out, wanted to cry and scream. He wished he could be angry, because that was easier than this.

 

“Are you willing to try?” he asked quietly, voice almost swept away by the night wind and the distant rush of late night traffic.

 

“Anything,” Alex replied immediately, eyes wide and guileless.

 

Thomas let out a slow breath, leaning against the heavy metal of the door behind him. “This is your last chance, Alex.”

 

“I-I, I wanna kiss you,” Alex whispered, shuffling closer.

 

It made Thomas’s chest ache, seeing the ever-confident Hamilton asking for something so simple like Thomas would shove him away again. He cupped Alex’s jaw lightly, leaning down to press their lips together. Alex melted in to it in a manner far too reminicient of the way Thomas did every time, hand clutching as his jacket with a white-knuckled grip.

 

“I love you,” Alex breathed, voice wobbly and nervous like he was afraid of Thomas disappearing as soon as the words left his lips.

 

“I love you, too, Alexander,” Thomas mumbled back.

 

“Please don’t leave,” Alex choked out, breathing picking up again as tears slipped down his face.

 

“I won’t,” Thomas replied, wiping away tears.

 

Alex sniffled, rubbing at his eye and smearing his eyeliner. He looked vulnerable, and Thomas couldn’t help but notice he’d never seen Alex’s walls come down. Had never seen the soft part of him like he was seeing now. He pulled Alex against his chest, rubbing his back as he cried silently, and knew full well that regardless of whether or not Alex really changed, he’d never find it in him to leave.

 

Alex was a spider, and Thomas was a fly caught it his web.


End file.
